


twenty one.

by seokga



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Unrequited Love, Yoon Jeonghan-centric, friends to strangers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-21
Updated: 2020-02-21
Packaged: 2021-02-27 18:27:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22830208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seokga/pseuds/seokga
Summary: the street below jeonghans window was never idle. the lights, the cars, the coat-shrouded frames stopped for nobody and no occasion. they remained absorbed in their worlds, oblivious to the tired eyes that stared down at them almost every night from unit number seventeen.
Relationships: Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Yoon Jeonghan
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	twenty one.

_hate to picture you half drunk happy_   
_hate to think you went out without me_

_✦_   
_. ⊹ . ˚ ✦_   
_._   
_⊹ ._   
_✦ ·_   
_. + ·_

_the street below jeonghans window was never idle. the lights, the cars, the coat-shrouded frames stopped for nobody and no occasion. they remained absorbed in their worlds, oblivious to the tired eyes that stared down at them almost every night from unit number seventeen._

_jeonghan craved stillness, he begged for quiet and dark and solitude. with his hand resting on the back of the couch and his chin perched atop it, he stared at the scene below with equal parts distaste and jealousy. the people who passed under his gaze were ignorant; they knew nothing of jeonghan or the wild storms in his head. they knew not of his anxieties or regrets- even if they had of looked up (which they never did), they would remain unassuming- would see no more than his silhoutte in the dark of his living room._

_jeonghan watched with unobservant eyes, the lights passing in neon blurs. despite his usual dissatisfaction, tonight he sat with the window open, allowing both the noise of passerbys and the cool kiss of night to filter into his apartment. and it was with a subtle turn of the wind that a lock of hair fell into the mans eyes, disrupting the darkness with a faint white that had jeonghan frowning in confusion._

_before he remembered._

_jeonghan reached up to take the strands between his thumb and forefinger, studying the shade with a pout. he liked it more than he thought he would- the silver curtains a pretty contrast to his once long, dark hair. but when jeonghan sat in the salon chair only hours ago, he had a clear motive for the change. a motive that fled just as quick as the figures below._

_jeonghan hadn't changed his hair in twelve years, all twelve of which he'd spent with his best friend by his side. twelve years he spent in blissful ignorance to reality- twelve years which had come to an end. thats what the silver was meant to mean to jeonghan; a final gesture, a sign of acceptance. a distraction._

_he realised the second he stepped foot into his apartment and saw the date glaring at him from his phone though, that it hadnt worked. jeonghan would allow himself one last night. it was seungcheols birthday after all._

_twenty one. choi seungcheol, the one person who had once understood jeonghan better than anyone had officially become legal. the thought brought a shallow smile to his dry lips and the image of a boisterous, giggling, half-drunk seungcheol to his mind._

_jeonghans eyes were on the lines of the road but his mind was so far away. his imagination found him in a club in itaewon, glitter on his cheeks and the taste of vodka heavy on his tongue. cheol was mere steps away from him, shot glass in hand and eyes clouded from the alcahol. his laugh was loud and unapologetic, his dimples deep enough to dive into and his hips swinging in a way that matched the beat effortlessly._

_his eyes were crescents and his movements were just the slightest bit slowed as he approached jeonghan, familiar fingers coming to thread their way through the shorters pale hair. he smiled as he rested his hand on jeonghans neck, massaging the skin with his thumb as jeonghan drank in the sight of his best friend glowing with unbridled happiness._

_but the scene soon shifted and no longer was jeonghan before seungcheol but crowds away from him, watching the older laugh and drink and kiss a girl he'd never met. he watched his best friend joke with friends that were once the both of theirs, gift those adoring eyes to people who werent jeonghan._

_and shivering in the dark of his living room, worlds away from seungcheol, jeonghan knew full well that this was how it was and it truly was all his fault. he figured though, whats the harm in allowing himself to reminisce sometimes- to feel the ghosts of cheols hands on his skin, to allow the memory of his infectious smiles flood his senses. at least this way, in the quiet, he wasnt hurting him._

_but the memories of cheols smiles were always accompanied by those of widened eyes and quivering lips, hesitant words and the number plate of his best friends car driving away from him. out of ilsan, out of his life._

_it were these memories of the past that brought jeonghan back to the present. he had a chance and he ruined it. he had cheol; his understanding, kind, adoring best friend. but it was his heart that decided that wasnt enough. it were his body that craved seungcheol closer than their friendship allowed, his lips that tingled, burned with the desire to tell seungcheol the truth._

_but when he finally did, it was his head that knew he made a mistake. seungcheol wanted a best friend, somebody who understood him and his misery and never threatened his comfort. thats what they were- comfortable. but the second jeonghan told him he loved him, they both felt it, the shattering of the glass around them- the symbol of their bond._

_jeonghan had betrayed him with his selfishness and the glass littering itself around them, over them, cutting into their cheeks and hands and arms, would leave scars. scars fade, they dont heal._

_and when jeonghan caught his reflection in the real glass of his window, he found watery eyes and hollow cheeks staring him down. they were adults now and it had officially been a year since jeonghan last set eyes on the brilliance of seungcheols smile._

_seungcheol, who jeonghan still loved like no one else. seungcheol, who was somewhere, anywhere right now. celebrating a day jeonghan always thought he'd be by his side for. seungcheol was downing shots and kissing girls and making new friends, leading a new life._

_jeonghan, a boy- no, a man still suffering from heartache. jeonghan, who spent his nights staring at the street outside his window. staring at the lights, the cars, the coat-shrouded frames. jeonghan, who's gaze lingered on the silhouettes with broad shoulders and long legs. jeonghan who was still aching for his best friend- still desperate for a love he ruined._

**Author's Note:**

> im so sorry for this. its unedited, unfiltered and the result of three breakdowns in a single day


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